Galena Ryder Cup

Hello gentlemen.  I hope you are all well and you are your families are safe during this generational time in our lives.  Hopefully, you are all looking forward to Galena 2020!  I hope that these rankings bring a smile to your face.  As usual, you better have thick skin as I love you all.  If not, kindly GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

 

20.  James Galligan-  AKA JJ. 

2019 POS and he earned it.  0-5 last year due to a broken thumb.  Not only could he not even beat Mickey, he forgot how to keep score at Wolf Hollow.  Maybe if he remembered how to keep score, maybe Team Fagan would have won.  We will never know, and now Mickey will never stop asking how HE beat Team Fagan.  Whatever.  Could be a value pick at #20…depends on his fucking thumb.  JJ 2-8 over the last two years.  Really JJ?

 

 

19.  Ed Rossetto

2017 POS.  Despite COVID-19, he has been golfing this summer.  However, he still sucks at golf.  Sorry Ed.  For all your germaphobes, you are most likely to get “The Vid” if you ride in a cart with Ed, but he has likely been the most exposed.  This could be a competitive advantage for Ed and let’s be honest…he needs it.  1-7-2 the last two years.  Less of a chance this year if you get heat stroke, Ed will help you…he doesn’t want to get “The Vid”.

 

 

18.  Mickey Smith

How the Hell has Mickey gone 5-5 the last two years?  Probably paired with much better golfers who carried him.  Nice guy, but talks too much, likes the color green, and won’t stop talking about how HE won the Ryder Cup last year.  Rumor has it, HR told Mickey to work from home in January 2020, well ahead of the pandemic because everyone in the office was complaining of migraine headaches. 

 

 

17.  Dave Albert

Albert hasn’t golfed at all since Galena 2019.  Why???  Here’s why:

1.  He has a new girlfriend (Congrats Dave).

2. He was watching film on Tua…and the Dolphins got him!

3. Like Tua, he is trying to learn how to golf lefty.  Rumor has it, he’s slightly better as a lefty than a righty.

4. Too busy posting “Dad jokes” on Facebook.

1-7-2 the last two years.  Who the Hell lost to Albert?  Oh…I remember. 2019 Modz/Jimmy 3 Wood combo.  LOL. 

 

 

16.   Paul Branshaw

Paul drops in the rankings this year.  Why?  Here’s why:

1. Tax season has been extended until July 15th. 

2. 2020 is an election year.

3. MAGA 2020 facemask business is booming.

 

Paul 2-0 the last two years…did he claim that prize money?  I think NOT.  Paul wears his “irritant” title quite well.  Just ask Modz…

 

 

15.   Jason Vitas

VBOMB 5-5 in the last two years.  Why?  Here’s why?  (I’m noticing a trend and I am liking it…)

1. He HATES most of you and doesn’t give a shit if he wins or not.

2. He HATES most of you and doesn’t give a shit if he wins or not.

3. He HATES most of you and doesn’t give a shit if he wins or not.

Any questions?

 

​

14.   Dave Holmes

2008 MVP and I know he was a POS one year, but I can’t find it on this website.  WTF Mike Z?  Rumor has it, Holmes may have purchased some new clubs.  Why?  Here’s why:

1.  He can’t chip.

2. His 3 Wood is from the Nixon administration.

3. His driver is from the Carter administration.

 

Holmes trying to slow his swing down and just “Lob it out there”.  Like Willie Mays Hays from Major League, every time Dave Holmes doesn’t swing 125% on the tee box, he owes us all 40 sit-ups. 

 

 

13.  Joe Tonelli

Looks great and has kept his 50 pounds off.  However, he has not cut his hair since March 16, 2020.  Why?  Here’s why:

1.  FYI…he doesn’t have to.

2. He likes his new nickname…”Hockey Hair Joe”

3. Peter says it’s okay.

 

Joe 4-6 the past two years but he’s a gamer and plays better when hurt.  Please see the 2003 Klotz outing when he hit a 165 yard shot with a piece of sheet metal in his eye to within three feet.  However, don’t tell him to just “get the ball out there”.  He’s liable to pull one to Cleveland…

 

 

12.  Peter Korbar

2018 MVP and was going to win back to back MVP’s until he shanked on at Park Hills against Richie.  FUCK!   4-5-1 the last two years BUT…was the 2018 Omaha champ, the 2019 Hold’em champ.  Peter has secretly been going on this trip just to win money in cards.  ASSHOLE. 

 

 

11.  Jamie Bebar (2020 Captain)

MVP 2010, 2016  What’s up Beebs?  6-4 the last two years.  Scared SHITLESS about the “physical” challenges this year.  Why?  Here’s why…

1.  Richie (opposing captain) has been running marathons in preparation for the challenges.

2. Favorite color-  Black.  Which has nothing to do with physical challenges.  Everyone GFY.  Do you know how long this takes?

3. Still sore from the push-up contest he did against Fagan in 2010.

 

 

10.  Jim Fagan

Lost a few spots in the rankings this year.  Hasn’t been able to recover from last year’s loss.  Why?  Here’s why:

1.  May be one of the most competitive people in the world.  1.  Michael Jordan.  2.  Tom Brady.  3.  Jimmy 3 Wood. 

2. Thought buying a 4 hybrid would help his game and help him forget about last year.  Nope.

3. HATES losing.

 

Like Joe, has not shaved since March 16, 2020 #COVID-19BEARD.  5-4-1 the last two years, but is 0-2.  LOOK OUT….

 

 

9.   Mike Z

HE PROBABLY CAN’T SEE ANYTHING I AM WRITING.  WHY?  HERE’S WHY:

1.  HE’S FUCKING BLIND.

2. HE CAN’T SEE.

3. WEARING GLASSES DOESN’T HELP HIM.

 

Most improved player (MIP) last year but he’s still not better than JJ….that’s what JJ told me…take it up with him.  5-4-1 the last two years and is now a ZOOM meeting specialist (ZMS) due to COVID-19.  May not be able to take off work and IT people are in demand right now.

 

 

8.   Rick Rohr AKA MUZZY AKA MUGGZY

Rumor on the street was that Muzzy almost didn’t make it this year and we are all happy (especially Joe) when he sent in his $100 deposit.  Why didn’t he almost make it?  Here’s why:

1. He has a baby! Congrats Muzzy.

2. Family first bitches.

3. His personality comes out in that conference room and we don’t have it this year.  Not sure if he’s going to like the new conference room which actually isn’t a conference room.

 

6-4 the past two years.  Don’t sleep on this guy…

 

 

7.   Mike Fagan

MVP 2009, 2011.  Unlike his younger brother, he is over last year’s loss…#WHOGIVESASHIT.  Why doesn’t he give a shit?  Here’s why…

1.  I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.

2. MICKEY IS NOT BETTER AT ME IN GOLF.

3. THERE’S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR…I HOPE.

 

1. the last two years.  Second only to the Grand Poobah!

 

 

 

6.   Rich Zizek  (2020 Captain)

Would it surprise you to know that Richie (he doesn’t like to be called Rich, Richard, or Dick) is 3-5-2 the last two years?  You shouldn’t be.  Why?  Here’s why:

1.  How the FUCK should I know?  I’ve been typing for over an hour and I’m running out of funny things to say and I am just typing whatever comes to mind, which is totally irrevelant.

2. Richie is the best dressed of the group.

3.  “Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

 

 

 

5.  Kevin Modzelewski

2018 captain and 2018 POS.  Modz goes from #20 to #5.  Biggest jump up.  Why?  Here’s why:

            1.  Rt. 26 bar and grill are still closed permanently.

            2.  There are zero quick care facilities within a 25 mile radius of our new hotel.

1. Two years of counseling has paid off.

2. 6-4 the past two years,  Just ask Muzzy (his room mate).  He knows all about every round Modz has played the last two years

 

 

4.   Mark Smith

Smitty will likely have less time to golf this year due to two broken toes.  His request to play from the forward tees due to his handicap has been DENIED.  10-0 the last two years.  WOW.  Why hasn’t Smitty lost in two years?  Here’s why:

1.  He is the Grand Poobah.  You beat Smitty and YOUR SORRY ASS WILL NEVER BE BACK.  THE WAITING LIST IS NICE AND LONG ASS HOLES.

2. He drinks chocolate milk EVERY MORNING.

3. Actually, he just pretty good at golf.

 

 

3.  Jim Arnold

Perhaps the most consistent golfer on this trip and perhaps the only guy on the trip that everyone likes.  Just an all-around good guy and golfer.  Why?  Here’s why:

1.  He has pre-golfed through 2025…even if he doesn’t go after 2021. 

2. Family values people…family values.

3. I, too, am left handed…Mickey-  That movie quote was for you.

 

5-3-2 the last two years and I think three of those wins were with me.  Jim and I CAN NOT BE BEATEN ON PARK HILLS EAST.  WHO WANTS SOME???

 

 

2.   Kevin Quinn

Pissed that he is not ranked #1.  Why is he not ranked #1?  Here’s why:

1.  Callans is better.

2. Only 5-4-1 the last two years.

3. Has been a diabetic since 2018 due to Twisted Tea and didn’t want to tell anyone.

 

 1.  Kevin Callans

Why is Callans #1?  Here’s why:

1.  He’s the best fucking golfer…duh!

2. He pays in full before EVERYONE every year.

3. He HATES cards and is just here for the golf and Twisted Tea.

5-3-2 the last two years.  Odds on favorite to be this year’s 2020 MVP.

 

That’s all I got boys…See you soon.  Stay safe and GFY!